Why does cheating hurt psychology

Being clear and having those conversations up front may help prevent possible issues down the road. Knowing the causes of infidelity is reassuring. Unfortunately, we do not have a complete picture of what causes it. Research in the Journal of Sex Research shows a variety of factors such as lower relationship satisfaction, aggression, lower dedication, lower commitment, and suspicion or knowledge of partner own infidelity were associated with engaging in infidelity.

The good news is that yes, couples survive infidelity. The previously mentioned Journal of Marital and Family Therapy points out that Some couples even report an increase in relationship satisfaction afterwards. Some of the unintended positive outcomes included closer marital relationships, increased assertiveness, placing higher value on family, and taking better care of oneself. This is not to say that an affair is good for a relationship.

Rather, that an affair does not have to mean the end of a relationship. The two most frequently cited types of infidelity are emotional and physical.

Data published in the journal Current Psychology outlines why that is. There is a lot of grey area regarding the definition of emotional infidelity. It is often thought of as a deep emotional connection, where someone is investing time, emotion, or love in someone other than their partner, and it is often secret.

Yet, it is important to consider that almost any behavior that is kept secret could lead to feelings of betrayal. There is greater agreement on the definition of physical infidelity. Physical infidelity is often considered to be sexual intercourse outside of the relationship.

However, this fails to include other sexual activities. A broader definition of physical infidelity includes, but is not limited to, masturbation in the presence of another, oral sex, sexual play, kissing, flirting, and visiting strip clubs.

Some may also consider certain online behavior to be cheating. Online infidelity can include cybersex, exchanging sexual self-images, online dating, online flirting, and using online pornography. As stated at the beginning of this post, it is important that both you and your partner are on the same page about what you each consider to be infidelity. Yes, that can happen. Infidelity occurs in happy marriages, as well as unhappy marriages. Finding out that your partner is cheating can make anyone doubt if they are loved, and yet it is possible that your partner can both love you and hurt you deeply by cheating.

There is no doubt that having someone you love and care about cheat on you is hurtful. People who have experienced infidelity report feeling betrayed, losing trust, rage, and damaged self-esteem. These are just some of the feelings a person can experience because of infidelity. There is no research to support that one feeling hurts the most, rather just that we know it causes significant emotional pain, depression , anxiety , and in some cases Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD.

However, these lists can also create a bunch of anxiety that may not be necessary. Instead of looking for signs, it may be helpful to reflect on yourself and your relationship: Are you happy? Is your partner happy? Do I feel more distant from my partner?

If you are feeling unhappy or feel like something is off in your relationship, it may be helpful to consider therapy. One method that I offer to my clients is EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing , which can work wonders to help reprocess memories and sensations that have become stuck in the body.

Yes, the pain of infidelity is real. You are not crazy. You did nothing wrong. You will benefit greatly by having the help of a confidential, competent, and compassionate professional to help you heal.

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Defining the human psyche and explaining human behaviors has been a goal of psychologists and researchers for decades. Pioneer psychologist Gordon Allport — once compiled a list of 4, different personality traits he believed explained the human condition. Raymond Cattel — , a British-American psychologist best known for his research into intrapersonal psychology, later explained a shorter personality model with 16 different types of personality traits.

In the s, we were presented with the model we know today as the Big Five. The Big Five was created by two independent research teams who took different approached to their studies of human behavior and arrived at the exact same result. These factors are measured on a spectrum — a person may be highly extroverted or highly introverted, or somewhere in between.

You can see a copy of the Big Five Inventory here. In , researchers Tricia Orzeck and Esther Lung conducted a study where participants voluntarily answered a questionnaire on personality traits about themselves and their monogamous partners.

A total of 45 males and 59 females rated themselves and their partners with a total of people being involved in the study. The results of this study proved that there is a significant difference between cheaters and non-cheaters when it comes to the Big Five model of personality traits. This was further explained by a study in , where data from two separate studies looked at the personality traits and relationship dynamics of new married couples.

Both studies lasted 3 years in length and examined the associations between personality and infidelity.